I am beginning my third week without my wife. She happens to be in the hospital dealing with some health issues and I guess we thought it was time to let the doctors again, practice on my wife. I could go off on the doctor direction and the incompetence in our health care system but I won’t go there.
In the last few weeks I did my first load of laundry in 61 years. I don’t think I ever folded clothes before. At the same time I had to take care of my 85 year old mother in law and three shitzu’s. On top of all that go to work everyday and try and stop at the hospital and see the little woman. In between all that call or text everyone in the world that is asking about her and how she’s doing. My life as I knew it is gone. Not that it was the greatest or anything but I guess I was in a routine and was lets say comfortable.
Then there is the financial aspect that everyone tells my not to worry about. Yeah just a $200,000.00 plus bill will be in the mail soon. I am now the Publishers Clearing House for Hospitals. Then lets talk about the emotional aspect of this. (Maybe no we shouldn’t) Everyone again tells me I should let it out. Unfortunately, it comes out at the most inopportune times. Like when I’m alone driving, sitting in the restaurant and some song comes on. Or at midnight when I finally get to bed and try and get 7 hours in if I’m lucky and I flip over and touch her pillow and the familiar body that lays next to mine isn’t there.
Despite my friends in my life like Todd who has made the trek several times to the hospital with me for moral support (which I am eternally grateful for) and all the other friends who ask how I am, I’ve never felt such loneliness in my life. Friends please don’t stop but don’t take offense when I have this glazed look in my eye’s and you think I’m not listening. I’m probably not and I’m sorry for that. Just slap me and I’ll get back on track trying to figure out how to be as good as a women and do all the above and more that they do everyday.