Never in my life did I ever think I would be “helpless.” I’m sure none of us ever expect to be in that kind of situation. We see it almost every night on the television happening to someone else. It does happen so often yet were still surprised it visits us.
Helplessness has visited me several times in my life, today being one of them and I’ll explain shortly. When my father died was the first time. He had been sick and bedridden for years prior, yet I felt lost and nothing could help me at the time. When my son was born was next. Not quite the same as death but still that feeling of shock the sense of what do I do now came over me. It didn’t last as long as the first experience but it was a kick in the pants that I better get my shit together.
The next one not everyone gets to experience unless their a pet lover. Putting your dog down ending a life that you love with your heart so much, a life that depends on you with complete trust. A life that stares you in the eye and says to you why daddy why in your telepathic mind that you communicated for years with it, and you can’t explain it Just pure helplessness.
Today’s experience was short lived but very intense as well. The little women, whom for over 33 years I have called my wife had to have another procedure. It involved us blindly trusting the doctor to perform this delicate procedure and not kill my wife or mame her in some way in her brain or for that matter let her bleed to death.
In my younger years I worked at a hardware store and people would come in and I’d tell them how to fix their problem. Then for a few years I was a plumber and I continued helping even more people fix their problems.
I’ve always liked fixing my own problems and the fact that I couldn’t fix her just tore at my heart even more. Even discussing it with the doctor we compared it to plumbing and talked about arteries that were different in their ability to handle pressure and how to snake a tool into the pipe and do the repairs on an active system. I understood it better than most yet I had to let go and trust. I’m not much of a praying man but today I said my prayers and then some.
Like my dogs who I communicate with telepathically, I think we do it with our loved ones too. Because she heard me and she came back to me.
I know it’s God punishing me as she (the wife) has sworn that her mission in life is to save me. Maybe it’s how she screams in terror at my driving skills or my bad eating habits or how I might not give enough thanks to god for everything he does for me. So thanks God for bringing her back to me I know I deserve it!