His name was Ronald Louis Johannsen. I called him “Ronald D.” We were buddies from the moment we met. We explored every inch of the nearby forest with our bikes and hiking through it. Climbing the biggest trees was one of our favorite things to do. We didn’t always talk a lot, we really just enjoyed the view wherever we went. Fishing was our next favorite pastime. In all my life that was the only thing that would get me up that early in the morning. I actually hated eating fish and still do but the time I spent together with my friend Ron was one of the few great memories of my childhood.

Ron got his driver’s license before me and we had our first double date together. I believe he had a very attractive young girl named Ann who apparently made a better impression than my young lady as I don’t remember her name. But Ron and Ann certainly stayed together and how he got her to move to Texas I’ll never know.

I actually went to Texas with Ron after we graduated and I couldn’t stand the heat and humidity. I think I preferred the four seasons up here in the Midwest. As usual, life gets in the way and we drifted apart and grew our families and our careers. I was lucky enough to reconnect with Ron a couple of years ago and it sounded as if he had retired and slowed down a bit but I heard the twinkle in his voice when he spoke of his daughters and Ann. I think Ann thought I was a bad influence on him and as it should be, because in life, your wife comes first when you make that commitment. I wish I had the chance to spend more time together with my old friend. I think a lot of people lament on those words but they are true. Happy trails to you my friend until we meet again!

I have mentioned how often “Death” has visited me. My mother-in-law, two brothers-in-law, three of our family dogs, and several close friends. This has been all within the last two years. Prior to that, many other friends and relatives. My father-in-law and my own father were really tough to get through when they passed and I don’t think I’ve even recovered from them. With all this death in my life, you would think a person would get used to it. Maybe shall I say more numb to it. Today my mother enters a hospice program and I write this hoping that by expressing my feelings I will be able to cope with this. My mother is over 90 years of age and has lost her memory and her ability to know where she is.  She hasn’t been herself for a long time.

My father was hospitalized when I was about 11 years old with MS. My mother was left to raise my three sisters and I. He passed away when I was about 20 years old. For years my mother and I use to drive on weekends for about an hour and a half to visit my father. He was in a state hospital where I would see my dad who I didn’t know any more or understand. My mother was tortured (though she didn’t show it) for nine years watching her husband deteriorate and feeling completely helpless in doing anything for him. He would never regain any resemblance to the man he used to be.

When I was about fifteen years old, I ran away to Southern Illinois where a friend was at school. It was a six-hour trip which was quite a distance and I didn’t tell anyone. They found me, and I went home a couple of days later my mother acted like everything was ok. I expected quite a beating but it never happened. About a year ago, I asked her why she didn’t beat the crap out of me. She said she thought it was something I needed to do and didn’t question me at all and knew I would come back when I was ready. I didn’t deserve her, but I thank God I have had her in my life for as long as I have. I have expressed my love to her many times and I know she knows that.

I have watched many people slowly slip away but, none of them were my mother. This show unfolding before me I cannot watch. I am not prepared for it, nor will I ever be.

They talk about a “Come to Jesus Moment” as being an important step towards change or improvement. I thought I was part of a “moment” for someone about 20 years ago. The man had been staying in my hotel for almost a month. He was a pipefitter and he was an alcoholic. He had refused service from housekeeping for almost his whole stay. One day I got the call his family hadn’t heard from him and the employer called also looking for him.  I opened the door to his room expecting to find him dead but no, there he was laying on his bed in a drunken stupor. To the right of his bed was a pile of empty liquor and beer bottles just tossed upon each other as high as the bed and equal to the length of it.

His wife and children were worried sick about him and wanted him home. I spent the next few hours pouring coffee down his gullet in hopes I could bring him back to consciousness. When I thought he was ready, I took him out to his car. The scene reminded me of a “Moses” moment when Moses was talking down to his people and it was raining and lightning was lighting up the sky behind him and making him look all-powerful and putting the fear of God in them. It was raining heavily and the lightning was striking above my head and the red neon lights that circled the roof of the building were flashing as I spoke to this man about how he had failed his family and himself and that he needed to return to that family and make things right. He went on his way and I hope he was able to change.

I’ve been waiting for my come-to Jesus moment. With all my health issues I expected someone to play Moses and scare the bajeebies out of me and set me on a new path. I expected to have a mass heart attack and maybe then the healthcare professional would ream me out and do a “Cher” on me (a slap across the face and say snap out of it). So far, all the doctors seem to be so nonchalant about it. Maybe they have seen this too much with other patients and they are tired of their advice falling on deaf ears.

My nurse practitioner listened to my heart and said oh you have a heart murmur.  She was surprised that I didn’t know I had one. So, I’m 67, overweight, my cholesterol is high, have had several blood clots, I have two large arteries with blockages of 50% each, have had a torn meniscus, I can’t even walk more than 50 feet and I have to sit down, I have high blood pressure and a host of other medical issues. It was then that I got my breakdown moment. My eye faucets opened up and began flowing a river. It was too much. Jody Adams (no relation) my nurse practitioner had worked for a heart Dr for the last 25 plus years and took a moment with me and for that, I will be grateful. You see here I am thinking my life is over and she was kind enough to explain it wasn’t and what I can do by taking small steps and it will improve. I had heard it before but wasn’t ready to listen. It wasn’t raining for us and there was no lightning, there was just someone who cared and I thank god for that. Now I have two angels in my life Elisa Rhodes my Nurse Practitioner who caught my blood clots and Ms. Adams who is my Moses who looks so much better than a guy with a long beard. Now if I could only have them with me all day long. I know, be careful what you wish for. In the meantime, a new journey is what I am on and so it begins with one step. Who let the dog poop here!