I Have A Solution

A while back I remember seeing on ABC’s 20/20 or CBS’s 60 minutes a new weapon that the military has developed. It was a truck with a large board, like a 4x 8 on top of it. Of course, it was painted Army Green. This weapon was basically as I understand it, a giant microwave. They aim it at people, let’s say a couple of hundred yards away, and when they push the start button, just like your home microwave it cooks the water molecules within your body. Now on this demonstration, they had to align the truck facing the “volunteers” to heat them up. After a few seconds, the “volunteers would turn and run away to get out of the sightline of the microwave. Their bodies would heat up and they couldn’t stand it any longer. This isn’t a killing machine, its just be a way to disperse people.

The problem with this is to try and get our enemies to stand still long enough to be zapped! I think there’s some flawed thinking here on the use of this equipment? Since when do our enemies standstill? In Afganistan there hiding behind rocks and in caves etc.

I’m a marketing guy and I don’t think they had a good focus group for the planning of this product! They obviously missed the boat. To me its pretty obvious what they should do to make this a more effective product. In fact, I can guarantee a return on their initial investment pretty quickly.

They need to make it smaller. A handheld device would be great but even two feet by eighteen inches high would be just about right. You see I want to mount it on my car. I’m tired of the bastard tailgaters on the highway. I’m already going 65 miles an hour and I’m in the left lane I have nowhere to go as I’m blocked on the right lane and there’s a guy in front of me but this guy behind me thinks I can get out of his way! I just want to zap him to tell him to back off. I don’t want to kill him ( well maybe?) I just want a cop to see him, I just want to prevent an accident! Just one little zap, instead of a little warning he gets a little “WARMING.” I can see the commercial now with Billy Mays the commercial pitchman showing how it works! We will sell millions of them. “Hi, Billy Mays Here… Tired of People on your Ass? Well, have we got the product for you.” I’m hung up on one part though when he says “But wait there’s more…” What could we add? If you think of it let me know. We could even get them installed at the factory of the “Big 3.” (If they are the Big 3 anymore?) You know this could be useful in many situations just think about it. I think I’m going to give Obama a call I think I have a solution to some of his budget concerns. I wonder what other products they came up with that with a little twist would be perfect for mass production.

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