My New Tool To Vent My Frustrations

I swear I’m going to invent a new tool for myself. The tool allows you to send a signal to another car and talk to the driver in what ever vehicle you choose. I travel on a two lane highway and the speed limit is 70 miles an hour. I’m sorry, but going 50 mph just doesn’t cut it. You would think they saw the speed limit sign but for some reason no, and not being able to speak to them and express my personal thoughts to them directly is very frustrating. I could understand if it is an older person like 80 years old and they probably can’t read the sign and they are a lot more cautious. I can forgive them. But, someone in their twenties shouldn’t have a problem with driving the posted speed limit!

I just want to suddenly come into their car through the radio with my deep radio announcers voice. I could take this two different ways. I could be all soft and mellow and say something like “this is an automated message from the state highway department. Your vehicle has been identified as not maintaining a proper speed limit, please pull into the right lane and permit other vehicles to pass at your earliest possible convenience.”

That would be the right way to go about it. But you know, deep down I want to do my Sam Kinison impression. “WHAT IN THE F_ _ _K ARE YOU DOING! ARE YOU BLIND! WHO THE HELL TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DRIVE ARE YOU SERIOUS! GET THE HELL OFF THE ROAD AND LEAVE THE DRIVING TO US ¬†YOU DIMWITTED IDIOT! GO GO GO.

I know you all know I use this blog to vent! But please forgive my outburst. I’m done. But wouldn’t that be a cool tool. I also want to talk to cool dogs I see in other cars. That would freak people out I’m sure. You know how you raise your tone of your voice when you talk to babies and dogs! You want to be their friend and you want to play with them.

Or how about, your at the gas station and you see these young men with their pants hanging down showing off their colored underwear. So you follow them in your car and you aim your new tool and out of their speakers come you singing that song “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground looking like a fool with your pants on the ground”! God that would be a great tool! I swear I’d sell a million of them. I know the technology exists but of course it would be illegal. I don’t need the millions I just want one and I promise not to go overboard….not!

Anybody else want to order one?



Leave a Reply